Amanda Belden
College Adjustment
Biography
I was born into a poor family in Ticonderoga. I have two brothers and a
sister. I am the third child. I am the only one that lives at home and I am the
first one to go to college. I am the only one out of my siblings so far to
graduate high school. I believe I have inspired my younger brother to follow my
footsteps. I even believe my
brother will go off to college and help me pave the rest of the way for our
future generations. My father is an alcoholic and has abused my family since I
can remember, from physical abuse to mental abuse. No matter what way it affects
you all the same. I have been working since I was twelve to support my needs. I
wanted a different way of life even when I was so young. I wanted new things
instead of hand me downs. My father does not work; he cannot stand for someone
to have power over him. My mother works at a nursing home and barely brings
enough money a week. My mother cannot drive due to her glaucoma. All of the
shopping and going to get her weekly checks was all under my fathers’ control.
He had all control until I got my own car. When I got my vehicle it made my moms
life a little more different. When my dad was drinking and could not take her to
work in a snowstorm or a thunderstorm I got up at midnight to take her. When we
had no food in the house or she needed to go get her check I took her just so
she could have some self-control. My mother and my brothers have been through
hell and back. I stood by and have watched it all, I use to feel that I deserved
it instead of them. I would try to pin it on myself for many years. I found my
life fading right before my eyes. I have experienced a slight part of anorexia,
monthly depressions and anger throughout my life. If I did not have my boyfriend
and his family I am scared to think of where I would be right now. I lost all
self-confidence as a little girl; my father insisted that all of us were worth
nothing. Hearing these types of things everyday made me begin to believe him.
Some days his words run through my mind and they start to convince me all over
again. I know how to pretend nothing is wrong and act like I have no problems,
but underneath I just want to pour my heart out to someone. I was always told as
a young girl that I just wanted people to feel sorry for me so I never reached
out and asked for help. That still affects me today. I have a hard time reaching
out for help, without feeling like I am using someone. After all of this I am
proud most of the time of who I have become. I am the start of a different way
of life for my family that lies ahead and behind me. I am a very independent
woman and most people admire me for that. I let them know I had no choice to be
independent and it would feel good sometimes to have someone to depend on. It is
a hard life to live and someone once quoted “whatever doesn’t kill you will
only make you stronger,” and that describes my life. Let me remind you I have
no regrets because my life has only made me a better person.
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